Dear Bitches That Have Gotten Too Big For Your Britches,

Dear Bitches,

Once upon a time, in the summer of 1995, two hardworking blue collar Americans living in South Dakota decided they wanted to buy a new car. It would be the first new car ever for these two 41-year olds, and they wanted to make a good choice. They researched for months in Car and Driver Magazine, spent hours pouring over Consumer Reports (this was on the cusp of technology and before the AGE OF THE INTERNET, mind you- and these two had actually decided to buy a new car before buying a personal computer) and when they finally chose the car, they chose a big- a gold 1996 Saturn SL2. Yes, a gold Saturn SL2, a car they couldn't even buy in South Dakota. They had to make a three-hour drive up in order to Minneapolis to buy it. Maintenance would require trips down to Omaha, once the Saturn dealership down there was completed. But they bought a Saturn.

I'm talking about my parents here. My dad was (still is) a car guy, he liked to take cars apart and put them back together again (oh kinda) for fun. My mom just wanted something practical that would drive nicely. And I'm not even sure if they considered any other type of car. I was only 14-years old myself then, barely on the verge of driving myself but still too young to understand the car buying experience. I just remember being really excited for my parents, the two people that had spent their entire lives working hard and the two people that spend their entire lives driving used junkers to prove it. If anyone deserved a new car, one that hadn't been driven before by a smoker or an elderly woman and her 10 cats or a guy with bad B.O., it was those two. There my parents were, in their 40's, and for the very first time buying a brand new car.

And they chose a Saturn.

Now unfortunately for them, as I mentioned earlier- I was on the verge of driving. Fortunately for me, they decided to hand that Saturn over for me to drive. My mom was a worrier and didn't want her girls driving around in a clunker with no airbags. She wanted us in a car she could trust, a car she knew wouldn't crap out on the side of the road somewhere dark and scary. So Stevie and I got the gold Saturn SL2. A car, I'll admit now, that was much too nice for two irresponsible girls to be driving to and from high school. But we loved that car, and we spent our teenaged summers loving that Saturn SL2 to death.

Let's now fast forward about 12 years from 1994 to 2006. Let's fast forward to me sitting on my bed next to my husband, staring at Tim Gunn driving around a Saturn Sky Roadster on Project Runway. I remember my heart pounding and my mind racing- a Saturn! That was a Saturn?! Holy smokes! I loved my first car, that gold Saturn SL2. I couldn't stop talking about my first car to my husband, my first car that I had loved so. That Saturn, I loved it. The car I was currently driving (a Chevy Cavalier I had bought from my sister) was awful. Awful, awful, awful. So god awful. I'd give anything to have another Saturn, I told my Audi-Driving-Foreign-Car-Loving Husband. Anything.

So he surprised me with a Saturn Sky Redline roadster. They had just come out, were in limited production, and hard to find. I was sick then, newly sick and seeing the doctor weekly and not sure what was going on. He wanted to give me the car as a Cheer Up Present, something to make me smile. Something to make me feel better.

And he chose a Saturn.

He let me choose the options I wanted (everything, of course!) and he had to fly 700 miles from Denver up to Minneapolis (Minneapolis! Again!) to buy it. He drove it back down to Denver, my brand new baby, breaking it in. He picked me up in the Black Hills of SD with it; and he let me drive it, letting me punch the gas to see what the Sky Redline could do. My old car, the Cavalier, had a base model engine in it; an engine that would hiccup and sputter up any sort of incline be it a mountain or a molehill.

I punched the gas in the Sky, the turbo kicked in, and my car flew right over a hill and...and...and...FUCK. Right past a cop.

And that's how I got my first speeding ticket. I got it with my first hour of driving the Sky roadster, my first speeding ticket ever in the middle of nowhere, Wyoming. I smiled guiltily at the cop as he asked to see my license. "It's my new car," I said meekly. "My first hour driving it. I...I just wanted to see what it could do."

Which is apparently not a valid excuse to speed, or at least not an excuse a cop will buy. But he did laugh and smile and tell me my new car sure was nice...and that was a Saturn? He couldn't believe it. I thanked him, and he told me to have a nice day but to drive a little slower as he handed me my ticket. I thanked him again. I'm probably the only dumbass in the world to thank someone for giving her a speeding ticket, yes, but I was guilty as charged. I was going almost 90 in a 65 (and he wrote the ticket for considerably less), and well- god it was so worth it. My new car could roar, and I had my very first speeding ticket to prove it.

I've always been a bit of a car girl. Not a nut in the sense that I know how cars work (I can change the wiper fluid and that's about it) but a nut in the sense that I like how cars look. I've always enjoyed design, good design- be it clothes or landscaping or architecture or even cars.

I'm an avid reader and so I would sit at the kitchen table most mornings before school, pawing at something to read while I ate my bowl of Marshmallow Matey's (so WAY better than Lucky Charms). My mom wasn't a magazine subscriber but my dad was- and the recent issue of Car and Driver Magazine would almost always be sitting on the kitchen table. I'd flip through the pages quickly as I shoveled cereal in my mouth, typically landing at the end pages where readers would submit wacky, imaginative drawings of "CARS OF THE FUTURE" (I swear I first saw the Nissan Murano there back in 1996) and "CARS THAT CAN DO FUN THINGS". I'd occasionally peruse the actual articles themselves, reading about cars that could go fast and cars that didn't handle curves well and cars that squeaked when they went over bumps. I often read Car and Driver because it was the only thing to read, but I'll also be honest- I kind of enjoyed it. I liked looking at pictures of the pretty cars.

I think, in all honesty, it's one of the few things I have in common with my dad. I've never felt very close to him, we've never had many things in common. I can talk about hair and make-up and clothes, he can talk about sitting in a truck and hauling things and Spongebob Squarepants (he's a truck driver). It's always been a little bit of a tough thing for me, finding things to talk about with my dad. But a car? Cars? That we can talk about. Even if the conversation lasts five minutes, well, at least it's something.

I remember, in August of last year, Husband dragged me to the Audi dealership in Lakewood. He wanted to buy a new Audi, he wanted something fancy (an A6, or maybe even an RS4!) but he didn't want the sales person to know he already had an Audi. I was supposed to remain mum next to Husband so the salesguy would make his pitch. Then the talk would begin over prices. Oh god, that talk.

"Are you sure you don't want to go look at Saturn?" I wistfully whispered to Husband out of the corner of my mouth while peering into a window of an R8 sitting in the showroom. "That Saturn Aura is a nice sedan. The Vue is a nice looking SUV. They don't do this to you. The price on the window is whatcha pay. No hassle. I love my Sky Roadster. Saturn? Come on?"

Husband looked at me like I had lost my god damn mind. Whatever. Maybe I had. But I wasn't the one sitting at Prestige Imports pretending like I didn't already have an Audi just so the a-hole salesguy wouldn't rake me over the coals, now, was I.

A-hem.

So. Where am I going with all of this? Rumor has it, Bitches That Have Gotten Too Big For Your Britches (a.k.a. GM) that you're filing for bankruptcy protection tomorrow at 8AM. Saturn is included in GM, and this officially makes me sad.

Not because it's another American business that was deemed "TOO BIG TO FAIL" failing, but because of what it really means to me. What it really means to people who have bought your cars and believed in your cars, even when others scoffed and told you there were better things out there. I never believed them when they told me that. And I never will believe them. I will always love my Saturns, just as many Saturn owners do. Many Saturn owners own more than one Saturn, and many Saturn owners buy Saturns again and again. We love our different kind of car from a different kind of company. And it completely sucks to see Saturn get shoved to the wayside in this whole mess while GM flops and keeps Buick and Chevy (UGH WHY). It completely sucks to see this happen.

Does it have to happen? Probably. The heyday American Automotive Industry has long since passed, for various reasons. Too many reasons to name here. People no longer Buy American because most American automakers don't give them any real reason to. People no longer Buy American because foreign car companies can do it cheaper, they can do it faster, and well...they can do it better.

Except Saturn. Saturn was one of the few brands of GM I felt could really be different, as their slogan states (stated). They really could be a different car company, one that could (if allowed) compete with its foreign competitors. A car company that could keep up with the times and alternative fuel technology. The Saturn image rehaul of 2007/8 (The Vue, Aura, Sky, etc) showed that Saturn was willing to step out and do something ballsy and different. Saturn managed to convince my Audi-Loving Husband to drop $36K (straight cash!) on an American made vehicle, for cripes sake! That's pretty freaking huge.

One of my co-workers came to work last week and told me that his retired friend that lives up in Wyoming just bought a Sky Roadster, and he told my co-worker that he was having the most fun in his life with it. Come on. If a 60-year old guy in WYOMING could be having the most fun in his life all because of a Saturn, that's huge. It's WYOMING. The guy lives in WYOMING. For anyone to say they're having fun in WYOMING....it's huge. That's all. I need say no more.

So it's with great sadness that I write this long and lengthy blog post. As of right now Saturn doesn't have a buyer (although rumor has it Nissan, Penske, and Mitsubishi have all been rumored to be interested) and it's unclear if the Sky Roadster will remain in production. Current production has currently been halted, and the future for the Kappa platform (the platform for the Sky and Solstice) is murky at best. I really am one of those goons that feels like her car is more than just a car to her. Even with my Lupus, there's no better feeling in the world than me dropping my top on a sunny day and letting the wind blow for a few minutes. There's no better feeling than me punching my gas and blowing past everyone on the on ramp on the interstate. Which still scares the holy shiznit out of me, by the way, how much power my little car has. I've had it for almost two years now and I still shriek in complete terror when it happens.

There's no better feeling to me than my Saturns, and once the brand goes I'll likely be sucked over into the foreign cars just like Hubby. And it's sad. Because I stood up for you guys. And I wonder how many other Saturn lovers will cross over into foreign cars because of this, Saturn lovers that also stood up for you guys. And that's so sad. But you've gotten too big for your britches, and now you're cutting off your nose to spite your face, and you won't take business running advice from a 27-year old blogger without a college degree and that's just kind of how it goes.

You assholes. God damn you.

XOXOXOXO,
Chloe




PS- I know this blog post won't be of much interest to anyone, I just wanted to get it offa my chest, which is why I'm not opening comments. There really isn't much to be said about this except, "There there Chloe, soft pat on the shoulder, please don't cry. 'Cuz you're kind of an ugly crier. Your nose and eyes get all red and your face gets all splotchy and....um. Yeah. Don't cry."

PPS- And because I do get people wandering on to my blog from wherever- if you are also a Kappa lover, please visit "Save the Kappa!" and sign the petition.

Well. That Was Embarrassing.

I'm not the only one that sees this, right? Please? Right? Please????

Ahem. So the Nuggs totally screwed up and got their asses handed to them (I may or may not have originally typed "hands assed to them" which took me a few edits to catch and may or may not be the result of copious amounts of drinking tonight. You've been warned.) by the LA Lakers tonight. It was pretty embarrassing. Uff da.

The night wasn't a complete waste in spite of the Nuggets sucking. Husband and I sat at the local brewery and had some drinks. We also ate a bunch of beer-battered mozzarella cheese sticks (dipped in marinara sauce, yum!) and I discovered Shrek looks eerily like this dude named Earvin Magic Johnson. Someone really needs to tell this Earvin fellow that he needs to get his own look and stop stealing from others. It's confusing to a drunky Chloe, and I couldn't figure out why Shrek was a giving me highlights from the game.

(HIGHLIGHTS OF THE NUGGETS GETTING THEIR ASSES SLAPPED!)

Ohhhh well oh well oh well. We arrived home in time to catch the 10'o clock news, where the newscasters politely gave the Nuggets their accolades on a job well done for making it as far as they did. "See?" I said, turning towards my Over Achieving Winner of a Husband and gesturing grandiosely to punctuate my point. "SEE??? You don't always have to win. People will still love you. Adele Arakawa and her super duper bad 1980's mullet hair will still love you. Winning isn't everything."

Husband may or may not have let out a small, diminutive whimper. He then slooowly rolled over and away from me and may or may not have started to cry. Or laugh hysterically. Or um, cry. Wait. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was crying. You know, sometimes it's hard to tell with men exactly what they're doing. I do know this, however- it's going to be a looong weekend.

Here's an Outfit of The Day before we realized how the tragedy was going to unfold:

Top: Nanette Lepore Brazen Bustier
Pants: Abercrombie and Fitch
Shoes: Wedgies from Candies
Bag: Botkier Cleo Satchel
Necklace: Target (Merona)

While I like the diagonal line my purse is traveling in from picture to picture, I'm pretty sure it's my horrible posture that caused the Nuggets to lose tonight. My poor posture simply made them too sad to actually want to win. It's understandable. I think my poor posture is also what makes Kim Jong-il crazy. And I have a little hunch (HA HA HA GET IT) that my poor posture is also what is maybe causing my back hurt all the fucking time. Maybe? Although looking at these pics automatically makes me want to straighten up (much like seeing or hearing the word "kegels" makes you want to...oh nevermind) so point taken, I need to work on my posture. STRAIGHTEN UP CHLOE. Us little people need all the height we can get.

I added my J. Crew skinny Serengeti belt to the outfit as an afterthought, and of course after I took the pics. You can see more (better?) details of the corset here.

Feel Good Friday (Hey. Ho.)

An oldie but a goodie. Enjoy.

Outfit Of The Day.

An outfit of the day, just 'cuz it's been awhile and I have nothing else to post today except that I just wish SYTYCD would get a move on from the try-outs and on to the actual freaking show and THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY ARE MY FAVORITE HOUSEWIVES EVERRR mostly because I get to read recaps like this and this. Describing Dina so melodiously as an "attractive and well-timed fart" is, by far, the best line I have ever read on the internet. Ever. That's saying something, darling readers. That is really saying something. I will apparently watch anything as long as the cast members can be compared sweetly and succinctly to an embarrassing bodily function. It is a good thing Husband and I only have basic cable, for I shudder to think of what other senseless drivel I would fill my head with if I had more options. Whatever it is, I am pretty sure it would be awesome.

(And yup, you read that right- we only have basic cable, maybe 25 channels total? Husband refuses to upgrade our cable package even though I told him that by doing so I would forever have endless content to blog about on mah blog. Apparently, according to Husband, having content to blog about isn't a good enough reason for doing anything because he also turned down sky-diving, going on an African safari in a Canadian zoo, adopting a penguin, adopting a polar bear, adopting a China baby, shaving Petunia to look like an African lion, legally changing our last names to "Darling", letting me get a bad face-lift at the age of 27 so I permanently emote a state of constant surprise, and buying me more clothes all for the very same reason. He has quite obviously never had writer's block. Husband! You're no fun!)

Oh. And go Nuggets. Let's not screw this one up, 'kay? I will be watching. I will be watching at a bar due to OUR SAD LACK OF CABLE...but I will be watching.

On to the outfit:

Top: Express Tiered Ruffle Scoop Neck Top (in Pink Plum)
Jeans: J. Brand Lovestory's (in Lapis)
Purse: Rebecca Minkoff Nikki (in Peacock)
Shoes: Madden Girl Lamontt Wedges (in Tan)
Earrings: Target

Memorial Day Shopping Fun, Yay.

So if you looked at the length of my last post and felt like puking, you're not alone. I too look at that post and feel like puking. I've always had a problem with wordiness and yapping a bit incessantly. In fact, this post was originally a good five paragraphs about how my mom would tune me and my chattering out when I was a little kid and I realized (about six months ago) that she still does it, only now she does it through MSN Messenger IM (so it isn't your hearing, lady, YOU CAN HEAR ME LOUD AND CLEAR. Wait. See me loud and clear?) but can you really blame her? I like teh words and I use lots of them. Even when I'm typing. Coherency is not my forte, but I'm working on it- thus deleting the five paragraphs I had previously typed here.

I feel really twitchy and discombobulated, sure, like half of my soul is now missing...but god damnit- I DELETED FIVE WHOLE PARAGRAPHS. FOR YOU GUYS. Short and sweet, Chloe. Short and sweet.

Here is what I bought this weekend!

Elle Swim Apparel - Kohl's ($19.99)

So I've discussed my love of Juicy Couture swimsuits here before, but I don't actually own one. I've come close, oh so very close (I make a grab at them everytime I'm at Cherry Creek near the Juicy store) but I can never bring myself to buy one. Why? I'm terrified that I will love it so much I'll want to lounge near a pool all the time. And well...I can't. I can't be in the sun, so I can't lounge near a pool, so I really shouldn't buy a $170 swim suit that I love to pieces. I don't need my bad behavior encouraged- it's already bad enough that I drive a convertible. And yes- sometimes with the top down, and sometimes without a hat. I'm bad that way. I know it's wrong, but I can't help my little self. And something blah blah blah about Denial being a river somewhere. Iran or North Korea, maybe.

So! I found these pieces at Kohl's on sale for $20. AND THEY ARE AWESOME. So awesome I literally did a dancity-dance in front of my mirror. They're very similar to the JC swimsuit- they fit just as well. The quality isn't quite the same (the fabric is typical swimsuit fabric and not the luscious stuff JC swim suits are made of), but the skirted ruffly bottoms are what makes these swimsuits look more expensive than what they actually are. The ruffly bottoms have a perfect fit, with ample ruching and fabric to adjust the "rise" (like low rise? yank them down. like high rise? yank them up) and the little ruffle goes all the way around, as does the skirted part. I feared they would make me look like I was wearing something an old lady would wear but no no no- these really make my butt look cute and my buddha-belly look...well, not so buddha-like. I typically hate bikini's for that reason alone (I'm an apple shape, so all my body fat is in mah belly and I am strangely thick in the middle for someone my size) but I LOVE these! The bikini is possibly the most flattering bikini ever, and the tankini is also just as adorable. We're going camping with a bunch of friends at the end of June (and to a lake and on a boat and ugh, I'm so screwed) so I need something darling to wear...and these are almost too cute for camping and boating! But the pieces were $20 each plus an additional 30% off, meaning Kohl's practically gave them to me. So who's the sucker now?! Wait, don't answer that.



Juicy Couture Perfume Spray ($31.50)

I also snagged this at 30% off, so eh- why not.



Anthropologie Odille Stone and Cloud Skirt ($49.95)

For all of you that have been following the drama with this skirt- I received the 4 petite today and it's waaay too big, so it's going back. The 0 petite did finally ship today, though. Yay! It's a beautiful skirt, and I can't wait to get it and wear it. Plus, like most things by Odille, it's machine washable. I love that. *does a dance*



Nanette Lepore Brazen Bustier ($57.60)

I'm pretty sure it was a complete fluke that I found this- the bustier retailed for $240, and I found it on ShopDollyRocker.com for $72 left in only one size (mine!). I snagged it with an additional 20% off and voila- $57.60! Nanette Lepore for under $60?! Insane! I can't link to the ShopDollyRocker one since I bought the last one, but you can find it here (in graphite) on sale for $120.



Xhilaration Smocked Strapless Dress - $19.99

Hopefully a cute cover-up for camping/boating?



Juicy Couture Pink Ombre Ribbon Floppy Hat - $69.95 (NWT off Ebay)

So I didn't get a "steal" on this one (it retails for $75) but it is a reeeeally cute hat. I'm having major issues with the hat thing. I know I need to wear them (a friend of mine in real life that also has Lupus has given me several, which was so sweet!) but um. How do I say this nicely- if it isn't cute, I am not going to wear it. Let's face it- hats are not exactly a huge fashion trend, and while they serve a greater purpose for me...I'm still stubborn. And when I'm stubborn, I'm not very bright. And when I'm not very bright, I end up with huge sores and rashes all over my face and scalp. This JC hat is too cute for words and something I can see myself definitely wearing, so there's no point in spending $20 on a hat from Target that I won't wear. Also, I like that this one is cotton. Straw hats get all mucky and bent out of shape.

My only fear is that this one might not fit my big noggin'. I have an abnormally huge head compared to the rest of the populace, which reminds of a funny story from when I was younger. Once upon a time, when I was in middle school and taking a Home Ec class, we had to sew a hooded sweatshirt from a pattern. I set out sewing away, sewing my little heart out, and I made an awesome hoodie. Maybe even the most awesomest hoodie EVER. I yanked it off the machine and went to pull it over my head- and it was stuck. IT WOULD NOT FIT OVER MY HEAD. So I had to give it to my gramma, who has an abnormally small head. I was sad, but she looked hot in that hoodie and it made her happy. Lesson learned, I haz a huge head. And I shouldn't be allowed to sew my own shit unless I can also envision sharing it with my Grams.

My hopes and dreams of becoming a fashion designer, dashed at the young age of 13. That's okay. The fashion world wasn't ready for me and my awesome plaid hooded sweatshirts and my big head anyway.



Abercrombie Kids Avery White Pants - $19.99

Yes, I wear kid's pants. Deal. I already have a pair from last year, but at $20...you can never have too many pairs of white pants. I'm thinking of pairing these with the Brazen bustier? Good thinking, Chloe! Good thinking.



Abercrombie Kids Emma Cami - $34.50

Yes, I also sometimes wear kid's tops. I've been dealt a really fucked-up hand in life, what can I say?



Madden Girl Lamontt Wedges - $54.90

A cheapie pair of wedges that receive fantastic reviews on Zappos, Endless, and DSW.com. Wedges are my "go to" shoes for the summer (since they give me ample height while remaining comfy and easy to walk in) but I've been having a hard time finding a good pair. I've searched high (Ahem, Mr. Manolo) and low (even Payless, for cripes' sake) and this is the only pair I've found that seems to fit all the qualities I look for in a wedge. They must have a 4" heel (all of my pants are hemmed to that), they must be comfy, they must have a backless heel and a strap around the ankle (they stay on better that way) and they must be strappy without being...um, too strappy. I have high standards when it comes to my wedges. So how I ended up with these pair of Madden Girls, I have no idea. I was bleary-eyed and tired of searching, so I threw in the towel. As long as they're comfy, I don't care- no one really sees my shoes under my jeans anyway. Right? Right.


Okay guys! I'm sure I wasn't the only one shopping- who else scored good deals this weekend?

(And this is as short and sweet as it gets for me. DEAL.)

BLOGGERS I LOVE TO LOVE. ♥

Okay, now, a few of you have already had a sneak peek at this post from about 36 hours ago when Blogger accidentally published my unfinished post (this is all Blogger's fault and not mine, I assure you). You see, darling readers, I haven't slept barely a wink the past three days. Husband has been out of town and I'll admit, at first I thought it was pretty fun to have him gone. At first I was all, "HA HA HA HUSBAND I DON'T NEED YOU!" and eating Smartfood popcorn with Haagen Dazs Cookie Dough ice cream for breakfast (and maybe lunch...and okay dinner too). And giving myself manicures while wearing my ugliest, goopiest green facemask while watching the TV shows only I like to watch and going on cleaning binges around midnight and blasting music really loud while doing so and and IT WAS FUN.

But then the pups started barking in the middle of the night. And while I'm typically not a paranoid person, it's really quite unsettling when Tweedle Dum & Tweedle Dee take off down the stairs barking their little faces off at 2 in the morning. Why are they barking their faces off? Do they see something? Hear something? KNOW SOMETHING?!?!?!!

Probably not. They are chihuahuas, after all. Petunia will hear a doorbell on TV and take off for our front door like her furry butt is on fire, barking at the non-existent person that didn't ring our doorbell that is not waiting outside. I love my babies, don't get me wrong, but they're not the brightest crayons in the box. It's part of their awesome charm and appeal.

So Kitty and Petunia are probably just being their little chihuahua-y selves, barking at the wind blowing outside, but...you can never be too sure. So I've been running on very little sleep and therefore doing really goofy things like publishing posts WAAAAY before I mean to. I also ordered a shit ton of stuff off the internet (on sale!). But I actually meant to do that. Kind of. Haaa.

(I might have poured myself a glass of wine or three too, so I'm excited to see what exactly shows up at my front door from Mr. UPS Man. It'll be A HUGE SURPRISE and husband is going to be all, "WTF is this?!" and then I'll be, "See? You shouldn't leave me alone by myself. EVER.")

(OH AND THEN I kind of sort of broke the washing machine and completely flooded the laundry room so HUSBAND WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK. I NEED YOU. AND THIS IS ALSO YOU SHOULDN'T LEAVE ME ALONE BY MYSELF. EVER.)

(Also, while both Petunia and Kitty are devastatingly cute and full of good looks, they don't provide much in the way of conversation and I'm kind of tired of asking them questions and just getting blank stares AS IF EVERYTHING I AM ASKING THEM IS RHETORICAL WHEN IT, IN FACT, IS NOT AND I AM JUST TRYING TO HAVE A GOD DAMN CONVERSATION.)

(Husband, I misssss you.)

Husband has been touring a ranch of ours out in Oklahoma. I'm not sure where in Oklahoma, but it's in Oklahoma. I always try to explain this as simply as possible to people ("Yes, we have a cattle ranch in Oklahoma. Where? No idea. I think it's by Dallas. Wait, New Orleans. Wait, Houston. Oh, Houston isn't really near Oklahoma? Wait, god, I don't know.") but I always get a few eyebrow raises over it because who the fuck owns a ranch that they've never seen? We do, that's who. So Husband was finally heading that direction to see it.

Husband's father is a business man and decided several years back that he eventually wanted to retire somewhere pretty to raise cattle. He loves the cows. He talks to the cows, plays with the cows, I think he'd even let the cows sleep in his bed if his wife would let him. He'd also sleep with his cowboy hat and cowboy boots on too, if his wife would let him. He's that sort of guy. One of these days I will tell you guys more stories about my father-in-law, like the time he won a bunch of money in Vegas and shoved it all in his cowboy boots for safe keeping only you can't shove it in your cowboy boots for safe keeping because there's this little scientific term called "FRICTION" and it makes all the money move up and out of your boots and spill out all over the casino floor, leaving your son and his wife to scramble after you and picking it back up before anyone else gets it. Or the time he dragged his wife to a Mariah Carey concert in Vegas because he swore up and down she was a great country music singer. His wife said, "No no no, that isn't who you think it is." and he said, "Yes, yes it is." and his wife said, "No really, it's not." and he said, "Yes it is. Does this cowboy hat match my flannel plaid shirt? I want to look my best for Mariah."

We still to this day have no idea who exactly it was he thought he was going to see, but his wife said that he caught one look at Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupree sitting a few rows ahead of them and decided perhaps Ms. Carey wasn't who he wanted to see. But stubborn like he is, he still sat through the first song. The entire first song.

Then he made a run for it, ambling as fast as his cowboy boots and Wranglers and aging 64-year old body would let him.

I like my father-in-law. He's a funny guy. Perhaps not always intentionally, but he has a great heart and a gentle way about him and I can see why cows (and all animals) love him so. Kitty goes bananas for him. It is honestly my favorite thing in the world to see- this cowboy of a man, always clad in his cowboy hat and his favorite ostrich cowboy boots, crouched on his knees onour living room floor and speaking in a little cartoon voice to a froo-froo chihuahua and letting her lick his face all over. Loves it. Husband thinks it's funny because his dad speaks to me also in that exact same voice, but whatever. Fuzzy chihuahuas, petite daughter-in-laws. All the same.

So anyway, father-in-law decided to buy this ranch with a bunch of land somewhere pretty. Oklahoma doesn't strike me as being exactly pretty, but to each their own. I also think cows are kind of dumb and ugly, so again- to each their own. But this will be father-in-law's legacy, aside from the other business. And so the ranch is "Father-In-Law & Sons" and we own part of it even though both Husband and I hate cows and horses and there you have it. Yaaay, a ranch.

Man. Ramble ramble massive digression. A few of you have already seen part of this post (minus the 100 paragraphs above) in its unedited form due to my sleep-deprivation and spastic movements (the PUBLISH POST button is just too darn close to the SAVE NOW button, BLOGGER).

Here the post is, again, but in its edited form. Ahem:

I really do mean to do these posts more often, since I love you all and I really appreciate every single person who takes the time to come here and read my crazy rants and comment on my crazy rants. I'd like to think that even if I didn't have so many followers (and commenters) I'd still be here ranting all crazy-like, but you know what? It wouldn't be nearly as much fun. And I'd just be that weird girl mumbling to herself in the corner of the room. You guys serve a very important purpose, whether you realize it or not.

I get a lot of commenters here and while I try to visit as many of your blogs as possible, it regrettably doesn't always happen. So I will try to do a post like this a bit more often (minus the rambly babble about no sleep and Husband missing) where I give a few shout outs to bloggers I love to love. Here we go, in no particular order:

My Delightful Obsessions
Not only does she have an enviable wardrobe full of all things J. Crew, but she also did a fabulous giveaway with Lindt truffles. But not any lindt truffles- CANADIAN LINDT TRUFFLES. Truffles we can't get here, like the cookies n' cream Stracciatella kind. And I won. And they are in my little American possession. And they are awesome. Thanks again, lovely lady!

Femmeinste
Part blog, part review, part editorial...and all fantastic. These ladies know their stuff and they know it well. Need to know what to wear this summer? They have it. Need to know what to slather on your face to protect yourself from the evil sun? They also have it. Lily has been a huge help for me with my hairloss, as she's an industry "insider" and has given me tons of great recommendations and is always willing to listen when I need to pick her brain over something. I can't thank her enough!

Gingersnap
Not only does Ginger update with an OOTD almost daily (and always looks too cute and very Florida-chic) but go check out the post with her yorkie Charlotte sitting in the bike basket. To use a really obnoxious phrase that I typically can't stand- I die. The cuteness. I DIE.

Think Classy.
Bridget is awesome in every sense of the word. And it's her birthday. And she wants my pants. She said so herself in my comments. (Abercrombie. Order. NOW.)

The Violet Diary
Another fabulous chica with an enviable wardrobe full of J. Crew, KatyO. also posts delicious looking recipes. Even the neon green broccoli soup looks (and sounds!) delicious. Yum.

Pudding and the Paper Bag Princess
Her breakdown of the new J. Crew summer arrivals had me laughing hysterically- appropiately titled, "J Crew Math", she breaks it all down. The clown ruffle! Hilarious. I'm still laughing, oh geez.

A Bigger Closet
Another J. Crew lover, she also updates often with an OOTD and always looks smashing. Also, her idea to wear the Marbella Dress Cover-up as a tunic is pure genius.

My Blonde Reality (Shasta, formerly of Bergdorf Blondes)
YAY! SHE'S BACK! I wanted to do a formal announcement, since I had so many people asking me about her when she went on a quick hiatus. She's back, in all of her super hotness and glamour and glory, yay.

Have a happy Memorial Day, everyone!

Feel Good Friday. (Part II)

(This is my original Feel Good Friday Post, before I decided to post sales. And because I type up this rambly crap and forget about it and hit "PUBLISH LATER" and then my blogger automatically posts it for me LATER after I've long forgotten about it because blogger.com is my BFF and knows how much I really fucking like surprises (YAY!), especially after I wake up from a five-hour-long nap and think to myself, "What the...why the heck did I post a Feel Good Friday post on Sunday? Did some fucker hack into my account and decide my Feel Good Friday wasn't Feely Goody enough so they took matters into their own hands and decided to post pictures of butterflies and rainbows and dancing penguins holding Balenciaga handbags and shit? Oh wait, oh no. Whew. It's just me, and a post I thought wasn't going to publish ARGH GOD DAMNIT NOOOOOO I NEED ANOTHER NAP. OOOH, AND MAYBE SOME ICE CREAM.")

So my last post (about my hair) was a teensy bit of a downer (apparently I need to use more smiley faces and exclamation points in my posts to convey a tone of happy sarcasm, for without the smilies and exclamation points people think I'm full of sad, bitter angst)(but sometimes I am just full of sad, bitter angst so just deal.) and it's Friday so let's move on to FEEL GOOD FRIDAY!

I'm taking this one from one of my favorite blogs in the blogosphere, Scented Glossy Magazines. A few days ago she posted a hysterically right-on cartoon of the Real Housewives of NYC Reunion Show. For fear that somehow you've missed this clip, I'm going to post it here,too. 'Cuz it is that awesome. Also, I'm grasping at straws here people. The two-hour premiere of THE BEST FREAKING TV SHOW ON THE FACE OF THIS FREAKING EARTH* was on last night and I didn't have time for digging up anything else.

Enjoy.

*So You Think You Can Dance. I shouldn't have to say that, but I'm sure there will be a person or two peeping up in comments to say, "That's weird, Gossip Girl isn't on Thursday nights" or "But I thought Project Runway didn't start for another few months" and I am saying NO, THOSE ARE NOT THE BEST FREAKING TV SHOWS ON THE FACE OF THIS FREAKING EARTH. So You Think You Can Dance is. And if you didn't know that, now you do. Prepare yourselves for three months worth of me gushing over gay dancers in leotards and rolling my eyes at the contemporary stylings so often preferred by Nigel, Mary, and Guest Judge (Mia). I don't understand contemporary dance, it looks like a bunch of flailing and writhing around on the floor, OKAY? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND IT. I look at someone dancing contemporary and I think to myself, "Are they having a...wait. Seizure? No. Yes. N o. Yes! Oh wait, no." I do understand quicksteps and foxtrots and hip hop, though. Why was the audition in Denver so embarassing? Girl dressed like a cat with flailing light sabers taking this shit seriously- really?! You're dressed like a KITTY CAT and flailing around with LIGHT SABERS and last time I checked there isn't a dance style called the Obi-Wan Can-Can-obi and oh Jiminey Crickets, I'm already gushing. Hehhh.

*Whistles*

Er, uh, just pretend like you didn't see that last post. I wasn't ready and then...and then...I accidentally hit Publish and didn't realize it until about 5 hours later. Hee.

I'LL HAVE THE FINISHED POST LATER. *runs*

Feel Good Friday (SHOPPING EDITION HECK YEAH).

So it's Memorial Day weekend ALREADY (already, I can't believe it!) and lots of e-tailers are having awesome sales. Since I'm the only lametard here that doesn't have any plans this weekend (except to workworkwork, but that's okay since the weather is supposed to be gross and I'm still trying to get recharge my batteries from last weekend since I have the energy and stamina of an 89-year old) I decided to compile a list of discounts. You are all very welcome. I accept thank yous in forms of shoes (size 7.5) and pretty Mulberry bags. See below.


Aldo- 30% off select sandals, no code necessary, prices as marked. Receive free shipping on any purchase witih code "FSMEMORIAL09". Offer expires 5/25.
American Eagle Outfitters- All shorts and swim are buy one, get one 50% off. Use code "63452596" for 15% off your AE.com purchase and receive free shipping on all orders, no code necessary for the free ship. Offers expire 5/25.
Ann Taylor- Take an additional 25% off all sale items, no code necessary, offer expires 5/25. Receive $50 off your purchase of $150 or more with code "104005158", offer expires 6/2. Also receive free shipping on all orders over $150, no code necessary.
Ann Taylor Loft- Kick off your summer in style with the $25 and under sale, now through Memorial Day. No code necessary, offer expires 5/25.
Anthropologie- Receive free shipping on all orders now through September 7th with an Anthro Card. Application for an Anthro Card is free at any Anthropologie store. You can link your Anthro Card with your email address and/or apply for an Anthro Card online here.
Banana Republic- Enjoy special savings on hot summer styles. No code necessary, sale ends 5/25. Also take an additional 10% off your purchase with a BR Luxe Card with code "EXTRA10". Expiration unknown.
Bloomingdales- Save 25 to 40% off with the Big Brown Bag sale, no code necessary. Take 30% off a selection of designer handbags, no code necessary. Sale ends 5/25.
DSW- Take $10 off any $50 purchase with code "DSWBDAY". Offer expires 5/26.
Edressme.com- Take 30% off your order with code "luckybreaks14" now through 6/1. I'm not sure if this works on sale merchandise but it definitely works on regular priced- I know 'cuz I bought something. ;)
Express- Take 40% off select styles now through 5/25. Use code "2877" to take $15 off every $60 you spend, offer expires 5/25.
GAP- Take 25% off all swim, no code necessary. Also, take 25% off $100 or more with code "SUMMER". Offer expires 5/25.
Gilt.com - Follow this link to receive $10 off any purchase. No code necessary, offer will automatically be placed into your account. Offer expires 8/13. Need to sign up for Gilt? Click here.
J Crew- Take 20% off your purchase of $175 or more with code "SUMMER". Offer expires 5/25.
Lulus- Take 15% off any order with code "CUTE", expiration unknown. Also receive free shipping for all orders over $75, no code necessary.
MartinandOsa.com- Take 25% off your order of $100 with code "32191031". Offer expires 5/25. Receive free shipping on all orders over $100, no code necessary.
Mulberry.com- Big, huge sale on handbags, leather goods, and shoes. Save up to 50%! No code necessary. I will take the Roxanne in Lipstick, please and thank you.
Nine West- Take 30% off select shoes and handbags and receive free shipping on all orders over $50, no code necessary, expiration unknown. Use code "NWSUMV9"and your Visa card to check out and receive $10 off your purchase of $65. Offer expires 10/31.
Pink Mascara- Take 20% off of everything with code "MEMORIAL20". Offer expires 5/25.
Revolve Clothing- Save 15% off any order with code "TULIP". Usual list of restrictions apply. Offer expiration unknown. What's with the sucky codes lately, Revolve? You make my heart hurty. :(
Sephora.com - Use code "YG85P" for 10% off and free shipping on all orders $50 or more. Use code "XOXO" for a free full-size Fresh lipgloss in Baby Sugar with any purchase. Expiration unknown, good while supplies last (checked 5/24 and it worked!).
Shopbop.com - Use code "Lucky8" for an extra 25% Rebecca Minkoff. Offer not valid on sale items. Offer expires 6/1. Also, take 30% off all full-priced Juicy Couture terry with code "VIVATERRY" now through 5/28.
Swell.com - Take 18% off all orders with code "Twitter18", offer expiration unknown. Also, take $10 all orders over $10o and receive free shipping on all orders over $99. No code necessary, offer expiration unknown.
Tobi.com- Take 25% off all summer goods (including sale items) with code "HELLOSUMMER". Offer expires 5/25.
Urbanoutfitters.com - Save big at the summer sale and take 10% off your entire purchase with code "SUMMER10". Expiration unknown. Receive free shipping on all orders over $150, no code necessary.


Go forth. Shop hard. Do me proud.



OH! And in case you work up some hunger after all your shopping (on Saturday or Sunday):

Buy one adult meal and two beverages at Sweet Tomatoes and get the other adult meal FREE. The first coupon has already expired, but the coupon on the right is good through Sunday! I can't help my Geek Love for Sweet Tomatoes, SO DEAL WITH IT.

Happy Shopping!




(Also, I'm not sure if anyone noticed I originally published this with the title "FEEL GOOD FRIDAY (SHOPPING ADDICTION HECK YEAH)" and it took me a good five minutes to realize what I had actually typed. Ooooopsie daisy. I'VE HAD A LONG DAY. *puts on Freudian slippers and wanders sadly away*)

New Arrivals at J. Crew: The Good, The Okay, and the Are You Being...

...serious? Are you seriously being serious with me right now, J. Crew? 'Cuz I'm being serious with you, and seriously- this shit ain't funny.


FIRST. THE GOOD:

1. Ikat Halter Dress - $225 (Item 15197)
I like this. I have no idea why. But it comes in petite, it's a really pretty color (as is the navy), and I was desperate to find something "good" in the new arrivals. It's a stretch, I know, but just work with me.

2. Dressy Jersey Cinched Dress - $78 (Item 15340)

Another pretty dress. It's a little plain for my liking (I have enough simple, summery dresses) but the hint of a Grecian shape looks quite lovely. You know you could wear it to a sweltering, sauna-like shindig and feel cool and cozy in it. It only comes in two colors, however (and no petites) so. Harrumph.

3. Linen Knotted Jacket - $158 (Item 14967)
A pretty jacket, I especially like it in the flax (although white is a lovely pick for summer). I'm a bit bored with swingy shapes and linen, since it's just asking for a rumpled mess of trouble from me, but it's still a pretty jacket. It also comes in petite. I'd wear it, rumply mess and all.

THE OH OKAY, I GUESS I COULD MAKE THIS WORK:

1. Pleated Cotton Strati Tank - $88 (Item 16711)

Okay, um. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about this one. I'm really digging tiered tops and dresses right now, so I give it a point for that. But this shell is so darn plain (and even in the Metallic for $110, it still isn't very awesome) and I'm not quite sure why I would pay $90 for a top I'd likely wear hidden under cardigans. I think I will need to see this one in person (or on someone) before I make my final decision.

2. Studded Gladiator Sandals - $118 (Item 16150)
These are cute. I like studs, and I like gladiators, and I like sandals. The tan rose color looks especially studly and gladiatory and sandaly. Yay.

3. Soft Tee Ruffle Top - $39.50 (Item 16068)
Another one that the jury is still out on. I think this could be cute, but the ruffle around the chest could be asking for trouble. On one hand my brain thinks, "Ruffles! Yay!" and on the other it thinks, "That's weird, it's like J. Crew wants me to have a curtain over my buhbbies" so I'm trying to figure out what wins more- the pretty rufflies or the ugly curtain over my boobs. Again, I think this is another one I'll have to try on.

AND THE HOLY OH SWEET JESUS WHO LET JENNA LYON'S SIX-YEAR OLD SON LOOSE WITH A GLUE GUN SO HE COULD GLUE RANDOM AND WEIRD FREAKY SHIT ON TO THE NEW MERCHANDISE:

1. Cotton Silk Strapless Top With Flower - $128.00 (Item 16168)
This is a miniskirt pretending to be a top. Hahaha.

2. Aurora T-Strap Sandals - $298.00 (Item 16262)
And these are a gaudy pair of $300 sandals. Hahahahhahaha.

3. Gemma Cardigan - $178.00 (Item 15137)
This is a $200 cardigan covered in the chiffon-like fur of a skinned, dead, white, magical and mythical creature much like a minotaur. Hahahahahahahahhaha.

4. Chiffon Trellis Tank - $175.00 (Item 15135)
And this is J. Crew's bad mockery of women who have out-of-control chest hair. Hahahahhahahahhahahahha.

5. Fancy Feather and Button Jewelery Box - $1,175,000.00 (Item 11111)
And this is a jewelery box my 9-year old niece made for me for Christmas. Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahhaa.

Hey wait.

What are your thoughts on some of the J. Crew New Arrivals for summer? Love them? Hate them! Share in the comments!

There Once Was a Chloe With No Hair.

So I've posted on here a few times that I am losing my hair. It is coming out due to me being sick, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. It's good because once we figure out how to make me not sick it will stop falling out and grow back. It's bad because doctors can't seem to figure out how to make me not sick. So. Until they figure it out, I'm losing my hair. And it is getting increasingly difficult for me to hide it.

I started the Nioxin about a month ago and I have noticed my hair falling out considerably less, which is a great thing. The hair falling out in clumps while I was in the shower was enough to make me want to cry (and um not shower, ew) so I'm glad that that has mostly stopped. I can't say I enjoy the Nioxin and its chemical-y smells, but if it works I'll keep using it. I'll just sit in my bathroom, alone, and huff my still-full bottles of Pureology and remember the good times.

Hair loss is such a funny thing. I've addressed it on here before, and I will continue to address it. Why? I'm not sure, really. It is, quite admittedly, a difficult thing for me to talk about. A lot of women suffer from hairloss. Most suffer in a bizarre form of silence, typically as they get older, and hide it with hairstyles or Toppix or wigs.

I don't really feel like "suffering" in "silence" here. It's not like I am choosing to have my hair fall out. It's not like I said, "DEAR GOD IF YOU REALLY EXIST, I THINK I WANT TO HAVE BALD SPOTS ALL OVER MY HEAD FOR AWHILE. THAT SEEMS FUCKING FUN." This is something that my body is doing in response to me being ill, it's a physical warning sign that my body isn't working the right way. I didn't do a god damn thing to make this happen except simply exist.

Hairloss is a very common symptom of auto-immune disorders. I know there are women out there who read my blog that are experiencing the same thing. I want to say that I know. And I understand. And man, does it suck. I try to crack jokes about it, but there's a lot of times Husband has found me freshly out of the shower and dissolved in tears. I get mad because it's coming out, I get mad that there's nothing I can do about it, and then I get mad that I'm mad over it.

There are more important issues in the world than Chloe's Hair, that is certain. I try to remember that and I try to not worry about it. But when you have such a huge, glaring reminder staring you in the face that you are sick with a disease that will make you sick for the rest of your life...it gets a little hard to stomach some days. Because whether we realize it or not, great hair isn't just an indicator of all things lovely and beautiful and Penelope Cruz. Lush, shiny, full locks of hair generally indicates a healthy person. Dull, stringy, falling out hair indicates someone who IS NOT FUCKING HEALTHY. It's a huge red flag to the world saying, "I'M SICK! I'M SICK! I'M SICK!" and when you're in a situation like mine, that sickness isn't going away anytime soon.

I'm only human, sadly, and for as funny as I like to be here...there are days where I just want to crawl under my bed and hide. For a really long time. Or at least until Petunia finds me, because under the bed is her hiding spot and also the place where she keeps 24 of her most favorite toys. Actually, I'm not sure I could even fit under our bed with her and all of her toys, so maybe that's why I don't crawl underneath it. I'm also certain she eats cat turds under the bed too. God, how can something so ridiculously cute be so ridiculously disgusting? We'll save that for another blog post.

I'm kind of meandering in that "oh fuck it" mode right now, that gray area of feeling like just giving up and feeling like fighting a good fight. Some days I sigh and think, "Oh well. Just hair." and other says I think, "OH WELL?! IT'S MY HAIR!" and then I find myself sitting online frantically ordering $200 real hair clip-in extensions. Which brings me to this post.

First, the cute top I found at the J. Crew outlet this past weekend:

Cute, huh.

And now this is a before-and-after of the clip in extensions. These are not easy for me to post. I don't think you understand, darling readers, that you typically see me perfectly coiffed and styled with every single bald spot covered. It takes me an hour sometimes to do style my hair that way. A full hour of everyday wasted on trying to make my hair look decent. That's 7 hours a week, 365 hours (15.20 days) spent every year on my ridiculous lack of hair. There is no washing-and-going when you have this going on, it takes a lot of tedious work (and a handy three-way mirror) before I can even think to leave the house somedays. Ugh.

The photo on the left is me with my natural hair (and I will warn you- quite scary and barely styled) and the photo on the right is with the extensions. And you're welcome. Love, Captain Obvious:

And a few more photos of me with the extensions for your viewing pleasure:

I am somewhat lucky, because my hair loss is mainly on the sides of my head, which is why you don't really see any bald spots in the pics. You will notice that my hair is thin, yes, and that my part has widened slightly, but the gaping bald spots (some as big as quarters) fall mostly above my ears towards my crown. Because of this, I can be sneaky with my hair on top and hide my hairloss fairly well. Some days I do better than others with it, anyway. It depends how crafty I feel like getting with the bobbypins and hairspray.

I really like the clip-in extensions. They are a great option to have. I ordered the Hairuwear Put On Pieces extensions, mainly because I already had a color ring with hair swatches and I had experience with their (fake) products before. I ordered the 2 piece system in Medium Auburn, which seems to be an excellent (perfect?) match to my hair. The nice thing about these, however, is that they can be dyed to match almost any hair color. They can also be washed, straightened, curled, and permed. They take mere minutes to clip in, and if I want I can wear my hair down or pulled back or even in a ponytail. Sweet.

I am only wearing one of the two multi-level hair pieces- the wider piece with the six clips. I have yet to experiment with the other (smaller) piece. The clips are ridiculously easy to hide even with my thin hair, which is great. I think I'd have to be damn near standing in a wind tunnel in the middle of a hurricane for you to know I'm wearing a piece.

But there are a few cons to this. For one, the clips can be pretty god damn uncomfortable if you don't have them clipped in properly. If you clip them in too tight they will dig at your scalp....which seems tolerable at first, but eight hours later leaves you wanting to rip them out of your head as fast as you can. The second con is that...well, it's not my hair. It's someone else's hair. And I don't know whose hair. I know all about the scandals in the extensions industry (no lecturing me, please and thank you) and that pretty much freaks me out if I think about it too much. So la la la, just don't think about it, Chloe. Or, as my twin sister's mother-in-law told me... "It's on your head now, so it's YOUR hair!" Okie dokie, I will just keep trying to tell myself that. It's on my head now. It's on my head now. My hair. MINE MINE MINE. BITCHES YOU CAN'T TAKE IT AWAY FROM MEEE.

I wore the piece to work the other night and only two people took notice that my hair was strangely longer. They said, "Your hair! It's longer!" and I waved my hands around and said, "I know, it's freaking magical!" and that was that. Because there are three things you should never ask a lady: her age, why she ate all of the ice cream in the freezer, AND. AND AND AND: if she's wearing a wig.

I did receive a lot of random compliments about how I should wear my hair down more because it looks so nice and pretty, to which I just smiled and nodded and said thank you. Because of my hairloss, I mainly wear my hair pulled up and back (to hide the bald spots) so I think the fact I was actually wearing it down for once was enough of a shock for them to not notice it wasn't mine. Ha ha ha. SUCKERS. Maybe. I hope.

Whatever it takes to get me out of bed in the mornings. Right? Riiiiiight.

CONFIDENCE WIG AWWW YEAH.

And a Few More Pictures From The Weekend.

These are all from my camera, shot by me. Duh.

Stevie's husband, Jason, at Good Times before the concert. He ran into a girl at the concert wearing the exact same (fun!) Haiku shirt, ha.

And Jason after the concert, at IHOP.

Why does printed pictures of food always look so sickly and unappealing?

Stevie's sweet ass Canon 5D Mark II.

And somebody is a little drunk.

Yup, just a little.

It's hard to believe these two are brothers, hm?

PANCAKES!!!!!111

Husband dumps Tabasco on everything. Everything. I keep waiting for his stomach to come up his throat and detach itself from his body as an act of rebellion. I'll keep waiting.

Gray Chocolate Chip Pancakes.

And...and...and...she eats them anyway. Ew? THE END.