"I don't care what you think as long as it's about me...

...the best of us can find happiness in misery."
-Fall Out Boy


Aside from the fact that I quoted a trendy pop punk band (the song is catchy, okay? and the video is genius with Spencer Pratt at the end 'cuz he's totally in on it), I have something very important to discuss today:

Red hair dye.

And how to get it out of cream colored carpet.

So I had the genius idea to dye my hair again on Tuesday night. My new hair color has been fading faster than Bob Barker's spray tan. More and more blonde was coming through every time I washed it! I had to squish the blonde! Obliterate it! Kill it!

So I picked up some good hair dye from Sally's Beauty Supply (along with the 10 developer) to give it another go. I slapped my gloves on, mixed up the dye, and got to work.

Now here's the problem. I was pretty mild as a teenager. I didn't get into the usual hi-jinx of adolescence. No drinking, no smoking, no doing drugs. No getting weird piercings, no breaking the law, and no dying my hair unusual colors. Some might even say that I was a bit boring. I will kindly protest that, but you know, not everybody gets their kicks out of having their parents look at them with hopeful eyes and say, "Really honey, it's okay if you drink! Just know that you can call us at anytime to pick you up and we won't say anything! It's fine! Really! GOD DAMNIT JUST BE A NORMAL TEENAGER AND GO OUT AND GET REALLY DRUNK WITH YOUR FRIENDS."

Because what teenager doesn't do rebellious shit to test their parents? Me, that's who. My friends and I found our amusement in other avenues- going to concerts (like Less Than Jake, Catch 22, the Pietasters, and a band of grown men dressed in matching outfits of spandex and masks), drinking cheap Coca Cola slushies from the Texaco, and spelling naughty things out in the school's chain link fence with paper cups. You don't need alcohol, drugs, or bright green hair for that kind of fun!

(Shut up)

Back to what I'm trying to say- since I wasn't your average rebellious teenager, I never learned that YOU NEED TO PUT A TOWEL DOWN OVER THE CARPET WHEN DYEING YOUR HAIR BRIGHT RED. I am not sure why they don't teach that in school. But they don't, and since I am new to the dyeing-hair-at-home scene I stupidly dyed my hair bright red over our cream colored carpet on Tuesday night without putting a towel down first. It also seems like it would be common sense to put a towel down, but sometimes I lack that, and unfortunately I can no longer blame it on my blondeness.

I knew I was blonde for a reason. Sigh.

At first it didn't seem so bad. I had gotten a few (eleven?) blops of hair dye on the carpet; all light purple in hue. I immediately grabbed the Rug Doctor and sucked it up. Ta da! The carpet looked great, like nothing had happened. Problem solved. I wandered into the kitchen to let my hair dye develop for a bit longer.

About twenty minutes later I walked back into the bathroom and jesus CHRIST the color had developed, leaving the carpet mottled with deep crimson blotches. It looked like I had gotten all the dye on the carpet- it's a wonder I even had any on my head.

Turns out the Rug Doctor hadn't sucked it all up. It hadn't sucked any of it up, and it looked like I had bludgeoned something to death in the bathroom. Ohmygod! Seriously! Not good!

My stomach dropped. It was the main floor bathroom. Bright red splotches everywhere in the main floor bathroom! How was I going to fix this?! More importantly, how was I going to explain this to Husband, who would see it first thing when he woke up?! How was I going to explain this to our guests, that ohhhh no I hadn't killed something in the bathroom, I just skipped At Home Hair Dyeing 101 and forgot to put a towel down? Yeeeeah.

And let me tell you- the past few days I have used every god damn carpet cleaning solution known to man. If it's on the market, I have used it on those stains. The spots lightened a teensy bit sure- enough to make it look like I had killed something and then tried (and failed) to get the spots out. Way to go.

So I got online and did a search, and I decided as a last attempt to try "Color Oops" on it. I figured at the very best it would get the color out. At the very worst, it would leave our carpet spotted with bleach stains...which still has to be better than bright red splotches. Right? Right.

And it worked! The "Color Oops" worked. The carpet looks...um...as good as 20-year old carpet will ever look. It didn't even leave bleach stains! Sure, you can still see the spots if you get down on your hands and knees and squint really hard. But seriously, please don't ever get down on your hands and knees in a bathroom that is covered in carpet. It skeeves me out to think what's even in that carpet. Ew, gross. Ick, ew, gross!

Which brings me to my next point- I must admit that I was kinda hoping that I couldn't get the stains out. Husband and I have been talking about ripping the carpet out and putting in tile and hardwood floors, so maybe a few bright red stains would get him to move a little faster on the project!

But I know Husband, and even having bright red stains on carpet wouldn't get him to move any faster when it comes to home remodeling projects. And also that's what he told me- even though it looked like I had slaughtered a pig in our bathroom, it's still going to be awhile (at least summer) before we will have the time and manpower to work on the house. Boooooo.

Dyeing my hair (and the carpet) a lovely deep red color? Mission accomplished.

Getting rid of the gross carpet due to icky dye stains? FAIL.

Darndarndarndarndarn. Darn.